Personalizing a Funeral Service
It wasn't long ago, when a family walked into a funeral home that the funeral director knew exactly what they wanted. Consequently for many each funeral seemed to be a carbon copy of the previous one. Today that is not the case. Because of changes in funeral services and consumer attitudes, funeral directors have no idea what to expect when a family walks through the door. Emerging trends such as cremation, preplanning, alternative services and innovative merchandising techniques and products, combined with consumers demand for quality service and value has caused funeral directors to refocus on value-added services rather than simply providing a casket and facility. One way in which funeral directors are accomplishing this is by assisting families in planning a meaningful service. In his booklet entitled 'Planning a Meaningful Cremation Funeral,' well known author on the subject of grief, Doug Manning, states, 'A Funeral should be unique to the person being honored.' Personalizing a funeral service can be a very rewarding and fulfilling experience for family members. It focuses those who participate, solely on the person whose life they wish to celebrate and honour and in so doing begin the healing process. There are many ways in which a funeral service can be personalized. The following are but a few examples.
Pictures
One of the most popular ways to personalize a funeral service is through the use of photographs. These may be displayed individually or placed in an album. Many funeral homes provide memory boards, where photos can be mounted and displayed, or easels, which can accommodate larger pictures or portraits. There are no restrictions to the types of photos that one would display. For example, you may wish to show pictures of the family, children or grandchildren, wedding or vacation photos or a single framed portrait of your loved one. Pictures help rekindle happy memories or may stimulate others to share a story or laugh during the visitation period. Some families place photographs in the casket with their loved one, as a symbol of their love. There are caskets available with memory drawers designed to hold pictures and other personal items. Young children and grandchildren are also encouraged to draw or colour pictures. For the older children, writing a letter to grandma or grandpa is another way to share ones personal thoughts and memories.
Memorabilia
In addition to pictures, there are many other items or memorabilia that could be brought along to the funeral home to personalize the service. Two good examples of how this has been done come to mind. In both cases cremation had taken place and an urn was present during the visitation period. To honour the life of a sea captain, the family decorated the urn with items that symbolized his life on the sea. These included his journal, captain's hat, epaulets and buttons from his uniform, beach rocks and even a piece of driftwood, all of which were lovingly placed around the urn. Behind this display hung a beautiful floral arrangement in the shape of an anchor. Anyone who came to visit the family had to be moved by this compelling tribute. A second family used personal items from their mother's home to recreate what she loved to do each day, which was to rock in her rocking chair. They actually brought her rocker and mat to the funeral home and placed it beside the urn. For anyone who knew her, the sight of the rocking chair would surely bring back fond memories. To honour war veterans many families will display the veteran's medals or drape a flag on the foot of the casket. Fraternal organizations will remember a departed sister or brother by displaying their group's sash or apron. Books and poems, painting and sculptures and various awards are also displayed to recognize the accomplishments and contributions of the deceased.
Funeral Ceremony
The funeral ceremony in a church or funeral home chapel, followed by the procession and graveside committal service provides a myriad of opportunities for personalization.
Music: The playing of a favorite hymn or song of the deceased's will have special meaning for a family. For those who loved music or played a musical instrument, it would be appropriate to have a musical theme in the service. This might include the use of a choir, soloist or instrumentalist or instruments such as an organ, piano or even an accordion or bagpipes.
Tribute: Most clergy will allow a short eulogy or reflection about the deceased or pay a tribute to him or her during the homily. A eulogy can be given by a family member, best friend or clergy. This can be a very moving part of the service, forever cherished.
Liturgy: Depending on your religious affiliation the clergy or members of a parish bereavement team might wish to suggest a special scripture reading or prayer that may have been a favorite of the deceased.
Pallbearers: Friends, relatives, colleagues, fraternity, and club members are just some of the individuals who might express desire to participate in the service of a dear friend or family member. If the deceased was associated with a number of groups or organizations, the family may elect one representative from each to serve as pallbearers. Depending on the size and layout of the church or chapel (i.e aisle width), 2, 4, or 6 pallbearers are used or can be accommodated.
Honour Guard: There are a number of professions and fraternal groups that will honour a departed colleague by forming an honour guard at the entrance/exit of the church and graveside. Out of respect, representative attending the service or serving in the honour guard will dress in full uniform, where applicable. Such groups will include veteran associations, firefighters, members of the RCMP and Constabulary, military personnel, security personnel, Masons, members of the Knights of Columbus, to name a few.
Procession: Some families use the funeral procession from the church or chapel to the cemetery to pay tribute to the deceased. The route can be designed to pass by the residence or place of work. Other vehicles such as a fire truck, ambulance or horse and carriage have also been used to lead the procession or to convey the casket.
Graveside: Many groups such as veterans and Masons, in addition to forming an honour guard, will also perform a graveside ritual. Family members may also wish to participate by laying flowers on the casket, selecting a flower from the spray to keep, lowering the casket or by making some other gesture of farewell.
Every family is unique. Each will have their own emotions, values, beliefs and needs. Do not hesitate to share these with your funeral director, in order that he or she may assist you in personalizing your loved one's funeral service.
|
